The Alpha's Fated Outcast: Rise Of The Moonsinger. - Chapter 409

Chapter 409: Unexpected pep talk…

Lyla

“That’s just it, I can’t.” I sighed. “It’s like the memory slips away the moment I try to focus on it. I’ve tried multiple times to concentrate and really remember the dream, but I forget everything as soon as I wake, and I feel like Nymeris is trying to tell me something.”

“You can ask her about that when you wake up, No?” Circe asked, giving me a strange look.

“It doesn’t work like that, Circe,” I shook my head. “The thing is, Nymeris is alive and at the same time dead. I killed her, but she’s still there because I am still alive, and she can’t just die like that. But I can’t talk to her like a normal person would their wolf.”

“Oh!” Circe nodded, reaching out to take my hand, which she squeezed warmly. “That was a really dumb question, I’m sorry.”

I nodded, smiling at her. “It’s fine.”

“You know,” she continued, “pregnancy can sometimes interfere with our natural abilities, which is why when a woman is pregnant, in your own case, I feel like your babies are creating some kind of interference.”

“My thoughts exactly,” I nodded my head. “That’s why I desperately need to know what Nymeris is trying to warn me about. I know it’s important, and I feel like the information could save us.”

I clasped Circe’s hand tightly, and an idea was already forming in my mind. “Come into my dream or read my mind, how is it even done. Basically…”

“I know what you mean, Lyla,” Circe raised her hand to stop me, “But that’s dangerous and only a high priestess can do that. Besides, didn’t you get one of those things before? I heard from Lenny that you were in a coma for several days and Miriam had to connect with you to…”

“Exactly,” I nodded my head, not letting her finish. “But this time around, I am healthy and not in a coma. It’s the only way to see if you can hear what Nymeris is trying to say and recognise the place where she keeps taking me to.”

“No, Lyla,” she shook her head. “I can’t do that. I’m not qualified. Just tell Miriam to do it for you, she would agree.”

I scoffed and leaned back on the couch, shaking my head. “She would never agree to it in the first place, and when she eventually agrees, if it’s something difficult or dangerous, Nanny would never tell me. She would give me half-truths like she has all my life.”

“That’s harsh, Lyla. She’s your mom, and I know most times, mothers can be a bit protective —”

“A bit protective?” I laughed dryly. “I wish that were the case, Circe. Everything I know about myself, I’ve learned from other people. Before I knew she was my mother, she lied to me about everything. She refused to give explanations for her actions, and she still does it to date; they all do.”

“Lyla?”

“No!” I got up, allowing the tears that had been stuck in my chest to flow freely now. “Let me finish, Circe. You don’t understand how much it sucks to be treated like a retard until now. The only person who ever made me feel seen was Xander.”

“Xander?” Circe arched her brow.

“The Dark One!” I murmured, cleaning my face. “Perhaps, that’s one of the reasons I fell in love with him. He told me things, even though some of them were lies, but he made me know who I was. They think they’re all protecting me, trying to hide the truth from me, but these things are bound to happen anyway…”

“Lyla…”

“How much longer will I cower to the shadows and hide from this reality and from the fact that I have tons of responsibility?” I yelled, ignoring Circe’s call. “I just want to be told the truth and given the chance to make decisions myself. If Nanny ever goes into the dream world and finds what Nymeris was trying to tell me, she would not breathe a word of it to me.”

“And you think I would?” Circe asked, rising slowly. “You’re important to Ramsey. I’ve never seen him feel this way about any person. You’re pregnant, you’re the future of our world, these are valid reasons why anyone would protect you, but the problem is you never accept help.”

I turned to Circe with a scoff. “Me?” I pointed my index finger to my chest, trying to wrap my head around the allegation. “That’s not true, Circe.”

“It is true!” Circe nodded. “You’re selfish, and what if your mom is worried about how rash you might become when you get too emotional?”

“I don’t get too emotional,” I fired back. “I can think through things logically?”

“You think?” Circe smirked. “You don’t, unfortunately, Lyla. There are parts of you that didn’t have the chance to heal properly. You are desperate to prove that you are capable and not second best, and when you really get in your feelings, you throw caution to the wind, and maybe someone’s tried to tell you before, but you gaslit them and made it all about you?”

I turned to stare at Circe, wondering what the hell was going on. Was she for me or against me? We stared at each other for a few minutes before I finally spoke.

“Are you purposely trying to hurt me?” I croaked.

“Didn’t you just complain about wanting the truth?” Circe shrugged. “I’m simply telling you the things I’ve observed in the little time I’ve known you. The reason why everyone is afraid to be truthful around you is because you always throw tantrums, and since their love for you—”

“Hold on right there,” I felt anger simmering beneath me. “I don’t throw tantrums. I’m not a child.”

“I can see that, of course, but you know why it was easy for The Dark One to prey on you?” She took a step toward me, smiling broadly. “He gave you tough, toxic love. I don’t know what goes on in your head, but the only time you’d appreciate anyone is when they turn all violent or, I don’t know, toxic on you. They treat you that way, and you tell yourself this person sees me.”

“That’s not true,” I shook my head. “You’re lying.”

“Miriam has been with you from childhood until now. The story says she pretended to be your Nanny just to be close to you. She kept quiet all those years, so she wouldn’t be denied the opportunity to be your mother even when she couldn’t claim that title openly.”

“She lied to me.”

“Have you considered how hard it must have been for her? Watching another woman take her place as your mother? You grew up as Alpha Logan’s daughter, but up until now, she has refused to take a step forward and tell the whole world that she’s your mother. People don’t call you a bastard, they all know you as the Alpha’s daughter, do you realise that?”

“And so?” I screamed. “What has that got to do with anything?”

Circe paused for a minute. “Maybe, it’s time to bring your eyes down and appreciate the little efforts of everyone around you. Love your mate more.”

“I love Ramsey with all my heart.”

“Yeah, because he lets you do whatever the hell you want to do, but it’s none of my business. Asking me to go into your head while you have a mom who will look out for you and protect you in the process, just because you think I give tough love, is weird. I’m sorry, Lyla… but if there’s a reason that is not coming to you, then you should wait until it comes to you. Until then, we have too much load on our hands to worry about a star sign in your dream.”

“You’re cruel,” I shook my head. “And vile.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she rolled her eyes. “Now, do you have anything I can borrow from your wardrobe? I need to look my best when we meet, this Delia.”

As Circe left, I remained on the couch, staring out the window at the darkening sky. And for the first time, I felt light-hearted because no matter how much I hated myself, Circe was right about everything.

I thrive in chaos.

Whenever I feel like I’m being loved right, I get overwhelmed and suspicious. There were parts of me that still haven’t let go of the teenage stigma of being called a wolfless deviant. No matter how much I try to ignore that part, I still wonder if people still think that way of me.

“Hey! I was looking for you,” Nanny’s voice sounded behind me as she entered the room. She paused when she noticed I didn’t turn to look at her.

In seconds, she was by my side, kneeling in front of me. Her eyes, which mirrored mine, stared at me in concern.

“Baby, what’s wrong with you? Did something happen when I was away?”

I shook my head, swallowing back tears. “I’m sorry for being a spoilt brat and not realising how much you love me,” I cried, falling on her shoulders. “I’m sorry, mummy.”

I felt her stiffen for a minute before her hand came around me, patting at my back gently. After a few seconds, she pulled me back.

“Hey! You can’t be like this, Lyla!” she had a contemplative look on her face. “The emotion you should feel is anger, not this.”

I sniffed, looking at her through teary eyes. “Why?”